Monday, November 21, 2005

How Privacy Became a Christmas Card

Well, long time no blog.  I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately.  Why do people spit?  Why don’t people pick up after their dogs between October and April?  What’s with Christmas starting so damn early?

I’ve also been thinking about sending Christmas cards.  At our house this is a huge project.  It all started several years ago when, due to identity theft, we started shredding all the paper in the house with personal information on it.  Great, now we’re safe, but what to do with all the shredded paper.  You might say throw it out, but, and there’s always a but, we have recycling.  Great you say, but, our garbage guys are a little fussy, lazy, whatever you want to call it, they don’t always pick everything up that they should.  They particularly won’t take anything for recycling that is put out in a plastic bag, and you can’t just throw the shredded paper loose in the recycling bin.  So, now what?

I have heard you can use the paper in the composter in your backyard, and I have done that, but, paper draws a lot of nitrogen out of the soil to decompose.  In the composter that is not a big problem, but, it means adding fertilizer to the compost bin to keep things moving.  It’s also why shredded paper is not a good idea as a mulch.

That’s when I saw a kids show talking about making paper at home, from scraps.  Wow, great idea, I get rid of my shredded paper and we have a craft the kids can participate in.  Yeah, sure.

Well, I do get rid of the shredded paper.  Although, I have found another great use for the shredded paper.  When you dig up things like canna lilies, caladium, tuberous begonias, dahlias, etc. store them in a cardboard box, unwaxed, and fill around the tubers with shredded paper.  Store the box in a cool spot in the basement.  Voila, in the spring they’re ready to shove back in the ground.  

Well, this innocent little endeavor has grown into a hand blender for mixing the paper pulp, various chemical agents to size and dye the paper, and cotton to add a nice richness, and a little strength.  Paper made entirely from scrap paper tends to be a little weak.  I have also made paper from plants in the backyard.  I’ve done hosta paper, which smells just like smushed up hosta and looks the same.  I quite like the way Siberian Iris paper turns out.  The long tough fibres give it something of a Japanese look.  

The plant paper does tend to make the neighbors stare.  I cook the plants in a pot with soda on the barbeque side burner in a giant pot.  The smells are interesting to say the least.  All that’s missing is an apple, a crooked nose and a hairy wart.

So, I make the paper for the Christmas cards, decorate them and send them out.  My kids do help.  They add glitter, tear paper Christmas trees, fold origami and help with the production line.  I hope they like it.  After all, it’s all for them.  We recycle the paper, protecting the planet.  We protect our valuable personal information so that their vast (ha) inheritance is safe.  They better like it.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Braces

So, today I find out I’m in store for paying for $6,600 worth of braces for a kid that has pretty good looking teeth as far as I can tell.  This puts me into that whole parental guilt thing.  I usually don’t give in to that.  No rolls off my tongue with ease.  There’s no pang, no, maybe I should say yes just to put a smile on their cherubic little faces.  Guilt free, or should I say Low Guilt parenting.

The braces thing moves into a whole new realm.  The  “They need it for their health” arena.  Now, I have had an experience with a really seriously ill child.  You do whatever it is going to take to make sure they get better.  No qualms, no questions, I’ll hock the house if I have to.  Braces.  No real life saving element in braces.  Sure, the overly friendly (I say the whole office is on Prozac, and I know they can afford a fruit bowl of it) orthodontist mentions things like the long term stability of the teeth, premature wear, proper functionality of the bite and other crap I’m just not buying.  At least when I was a kid they didn’t beat around the bush.  It was, “Those teeth look horrible, and we should make them look better.”  

I noticed the other day, when Prince Charles was on Sixty Minutes, that his teeth were crooked.  It hasn’t killed him yet.  He can certainly afford $6,600 worth of braces.  But he’s not running out to protect the long term stability of his teeth.

Truth is I’ll probably do it and grumble the whole time.  It’s almost half a car, but I’ll do it.  I’ll spend the next two years yelling at a kid to brush their braces better, I can still see steak on them, and we had steak two days ago.  It’s all part of growing up, my growing up.